


Weaker Apart

by agftloy



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: TM9 doesn't know nott or caleb, Torture, drama within the mighty nein, enslavement, mentions of mollymauk, nott and caleb don't know each other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-10-29 08:00:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17804141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agftloy/pseuds/agftloy
Summary: Caleb & Nott never met in a cell.





	1. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaah ok so this is my first critical role fanfiction and i'm terrified lmao. this is starting from my knowledge of everyone's backstories around episode 50 and i'm sure there's gonna be a lot more bombs dropped that quickly outdate this fic but depending on what it is i'll probably see if i can incorporate it into the fic
> 
> i also DO NOT know where this fic is going and i still have a lot of things to figure out but i'm kinda just writing to write and slowly figuring out what i wanna do with everyone's characters so be warned there will probably be a lot of violence ((nothing confirmed cuz i haven't written it yet lmao)) THOUGH i can promise angst and sadness and fear and doubt and all those fun things  
> (i know for sure tho that this fic will have NOTHING to do with rape/non-con)
> 
> i also can't promise how accurate this will be to dnd and dnd rules. i'll probably try my hardest to stick to them but if the story beats the rules then sorry but i'm going with the story cuz that's more fun
> 
> this is gonna mostly focus on caleb n nott but it will have perspective changes from all characters in the mighty nein. all the character's will probably eventually end up with their own angst and scenes too. the summary's shit but that's cuz idk what it's gonna be about but if i figure more things out i might update the summary in the future ((i kinda like short n simplistic tho so we'll see)). the story takes place assuming TM9 continued doing everything the same but nott and caleb never met each other or the mighty nein. so basically post-pirate ship but pre-felderwin 
> 
> ALSO will forever mention mollymauk and what he meant to the group bc molly is my child and i'm bitter
> 
> ok ok so i think that's all for now. idk if i wanna do brief summaries at the beginning of chapters or just let it flow. for now we'll just let it flow. let me know if yall have a preference tho. also this is not beta'd so whoops if there's mistakes
> 
> here we go

The grass was tall enough to entirely encase her small frame as she approached the camp quietly, her dark vision aiding her in the near absolute darkness. The moon was her only source of light, currently being blocked by dark clouds, a few rays of light peeking through lighter patches in the clouds. It made her all the more careful with every step she took; barely breathing as her hands tightly clutched the crossbow she was holding. Only a few more feet and she would break into a clearing of the grass, where she had previously seen a group of people set up camp.

She ran through the plan in her head. From past experience, most groups set up watch during the night. The best time to strike typically was an hour or so before dawn, when everyone in the camp would be in deep sleep. The watchers mostly dozed off around this time, as their cue to change shifts would be the first peak of sunlight. Still, she stood there quietly, waiting to hear any sort of noise that would tell her this was too risky. If there was no noise, she would separate the grass in front of her ever so slightly to get a view of what the camp looked like. 

From watching the campers settle down, she knew that where she was creeping into was behind the horses and cart, which was the ideal location. Most campers slept away from the cart, far enough where it would be safe to start a fire. If these were experienced campers, adventurers, or mercenaries, they would sleep with their weapons and gold on them. But she wasn’t interested in neither weapons nor gold, so that was never a problem. Carts were where campers would keep the majority of their supplies. In their minds, there was no use in unpacking it all only to pack it again the next morning. Which was lucky for her.

Five minutes passed and there wasn’t as much as a cough coming from the camp. Taking this as a good sign, she relaxed her grip on her crossbow with one hand, and drew apart the tall grass in front of her.

She saw what she expected to see. About ten feet in front of her was an unguarded cart and three horses attached to it, all seemingly asleep. With a quick glance to the cart, she could already see backpacks and small bags, what looked to be burlap sacks with hopefully food inside, and a couple of crates residing on it. She took a few more moments, trying to note anything that would be a possible danger from her position. The only thing that was bad was that she couldn’t see the campers at all, but she knew that was also a good thing. If she couldn’t see them, they couldn’t see her. 

She quietly took a step forward, exiting the tall grass but still sticking close to the shadows. This was now a battle to stay as quiet as possible but to get out in the fastest time as possible. Hurriedly, she moved to the cart, ducking by the wheel as she reached her destination. She paused, listening for any commotion from the campers. Five seconds and nothing. Ten seconds and nothing. Fifteen seconds passed and still hearing nothing, she held her crossbow with one hand and used the other to grip the edge of the cart to help heave her body onto it, her bare feet landing with an almost completely silent  _thump_  on the bottom of the cart. She paused again, curled into a ball in the corner of the cart, hood pulled over her hair, hoping to camouflage as just another bag if anyone had heard her and decided to check.

A minute passed and she heard no movement, and she took this as her cue to finally start searching the cart. To her disappointment, the closest item to her was a nearly empty backpack, the only items filling it being what looked to be two very old muffins. She quickly moved onto the next backpack, which seemed to be nearly full. 

Opening the pack, she was granted with a sight that sent her heart pounding with joy. The first thing she noticed was an open, small leather pouch with what looked to be bandages inside. Without thoroughly searching the bag, she also noticed a vial of some sort of liquid and some sets of clothes. Not wanting to take too much time, she threw the backpack on and moved onto the next item.

There was a pile of burlap sacks in the corner of the cart, and she knew that was where the majority of the food would be stored. Knowing she wouldn’t be able to carry any of the heavy sacks, she grabbed and emptied the previous backpack of its muffins. She pulled out a dagger from her belt and tore a small hole through the biggest sack, not wanting to risk opening it gently from the top. She reached her hand inside the hole and felt what was most likely a potato, and started slowly taking them out one by one and filling her backpack with it. She didn’t necessarily care  _what_  food she got, she just cared that she got food at all. 

As the backpack quickly got full— _and heavy—_ , she took the two hard muffins and stuffed them into the hole she made in the burlap sack, hoping that would keep any of the potatoes from falling out. Luckily it seemed to do the trick, and with two full backpacks, she knew it was time to leave the cart and run as far as she could as fast as she could. And that was the plan, too. Until, as she was about to leave the cart, the moon broke through the clouds and the light hit something in the cart that  _twinkled_  and caught her attention. She had already been one foot out the cart, but the twinkle caught her attention, and almost immediately she crawled towards it.

As she got closer, she saw what looked to be a gem encrusted flask under the burlap sack she had cut through earlier. Seemingly, as she had previously done a quick scan over the cart, she missed it, but with the moon now offering more light, it was nearly impossible to look away from it. It was absolutely  _beautiful_  and she could only imagine what it would look like in the daylight, the gems full of colour in her hand as she imagined herself taking a swig from it. There was no way she could leave it behind. 

Ever so carefully, she dropped her crossbow to the floor of the cart and she lifted the weight of the burlap sack that was resting on the flask and began to slide it out. Her heart beat fast, slowly inching the flask out as she held her breath, hands deathly still as she kept  _sliding, sliding,_ _slidi_ _—_ and without so much as a bump, the flask came free from underneath the bag and she smiled, feeling victorious. In her hand was quite possibly the most expensive object she ever held, but it wasn’t the expense of it that excited her. It was the beauty of it.

With her hands and her heart full, she knew it was time to leave. She gently dropped the burlap sack and stuck the flask between her belt and her stomach, reaching to pick up her crossbow when she heard a  _thud_  and she froze. Less than a second later, it was followed by another  _thud_  and then the sound of something rolling and without even needing to look, she knew what it was. The muffins had dislodged themselves from the opening of the burlap sack and she knew it was a matter of seconds before the potatoes began falling out too. 

All that ran through her mind was  _shit_ _shit_ _shit_  as she grabbed her crossbow from the floor of the cart and stood up, all hopes of stealthiness gone as she heard a ‘ _who’s there’_ coming from the campers. Her hands begin to shake as she runs to the edge of the cart, pushing herself over the edge and getting her feet ready to land on the grass as her body locks up and she freezes, unable to move as the ground comes closer until she hits it with a soft  _thump_  and for some reason she’s frozen in place and she can’t gain control of her arms or legs and her heart is beating in her chest as she hears shouts from the camp and  _oh my gods this is it_.

She stays there, unable to move, face in the ground and unable to see. But she hears and oh Gods she’s terrified as she hears  _one, two, three sets of feet—too many to count_  approaching her and she tries so hard to move but she just can’t and she’s stuck and less than two seconds later she feels something sharp against the back of her neck and she can’t tell whether it’s the spell she’s under or if it’s the absolute fear that’s stopping her from being able to breathe and  _finally_  she begins to regain movement in her fingers and toes but before she can do anything the blade is pressed harder in the back of her neck and there’s shouting, a voice screaming, “ _Don’t move if you know what’s good for you,”_ and she doesn’t  _want_  to die so even though the spell’s over she says absolutely still and waits, terrified.

Seconds pass and she realizes there’s whispering above her. Too quiet with the blood rushing in her ears to make out and she doesn’t know what to do, but she makes out words like “ _kill her”_ which terrify her but then there’s a softer voice saying “ _child”_  and maybe there is hope yet. 

“Please,” she says, not wanting to wait for them to come to a decision on their own. The whispers almost instantly stop and the blade against her neck goes deeper and she can feel blood beginning to trickle down but the adrenaline is pumping too hard in her body for her to feel any pain. “Please, I’m sorry. Take your stuff back. Please.” 

She’s begging and she doesn’t care. She was never above begging for her life, she was never prideful and wasn’t foolish enough to think people would have enough sympathy for her on their own. 

The silence above her continues and she knows they don’t know what to do in this situation. Maybe they’re good people, a part of her dare hopes, but she shuts that down instantly. She was small and that was probably the only reason she was still alive. If she was bigger, they would take her as more of a threat. But she’s small and if it wasn’t for the shade of her skin she could pass as an innocent, lost child trying to find their way home. She knows above all else that the only reason she’s still alive is that they haven’t seen her face yet,  so she also knows there’s no way she can allow them to see her.

“My mom, she’s starving,” she quickly says, loud enough to be heard despite the fact that she was still talking into the grass. “She doesn’t know I’m here. I wanted—I needed to get something for her to eat. She won’t make it. Our crops… They’re not growing anymore. Please, I’m sorry.” 

There’s still silence above her, but the blade loosens against her neck.  _A good sign_ , she thought, her mind racing for what to do next. 

“Oh, poor child! Where do you live? We’re so far away from any town.” A voice came from above her, accented but soft and she knew instantly that it was disbelieving of her story. She wasn’t a good liar on her best day, and this was definitely not her best day.

The only thought that mattered to her, however, was that the blade was no longer pressed into her neck. She could still feel it’s metal against her skin, but she knows the wielder is hesitating now, and before she can think anything past that thought, her flight response kicks in and her arms and legs are moving as she’s rolling out of the way of the blade, crawling through someone’s legs and she raises herself onto her feet and she’s  _running, running, running_  and she’s almost made it to the grass until she feels something hit her back and her entire body convulses as a huge bolt of lightning travels through her body, and before she can get her senses back she’s hit by another blast of magical energy of radiance and a scream tears through her body and out her throat. 

She thinks she’s dying as she falls to her knees because for some reason there’s sounds of bells in the air as it feels like her life force is being ripped away from her and she’s barely conscious as she falls again, her face falling into the grass, trying to grip to the edge of her consciousness before she feels something  _whack_  against her skull and she’s out.

-

“What a peculiar thing you are,” Caduceus mutters, looking over the small body that was being turned over by Beau, noticing before anyone else the race of the small humanoid. 

“OH! Gods,” Beau exclaims, dropping the body of the goblin as soon as she noticed just exactly what she was touching. “A goblin? Are you serious? We’re getting mugged by these freaks now?”

“Ooooh, a goblin?! I’ve never seen one in real life before!” Jester all but skips towards the body, smiling until her eyes fall onto the unconscious face. Her face quickly adopts a frown as she looks over the body, which was wrapped in bandages, though it looked to be more from hiding its skin than from wounds. “It looks… small.” 

“Well that’s fuckin’ great,” Fjord said, obviously unhappy as he wipes a small amount of blood off of his falchion. “Goblins always hunt in clans. Who knows where the rest of them are? Probably planning to attack us right now. That’s just  _great._ ” Though he acts annoyed, Caduceus notices him take a worried look into the grass surrounding their camp, probably wondering how many others there might be.

“Well, she’d probably know,” Caduceus offers, staring at the unconscious body of the goblin girl that had just tried to run away. He could see a slight rise and fall in her chest, knowing she was still alive but not knowing how much longer she might live for without the aid of someone helping her. He didn’t feel sympathy for her, and he would be okay if they let nature take its course. But there was also a part of his mind that found something wrong with killing her just like that. However, that wasn’t his decision. He moved his eyes from the body to Fjord.

“It’s a  _goblin_ , Caduceus. It won’t tell us the truth even if we threaten to torture it.” Beauregard said, walking away from the body. Disgust covered her face. “And we’re not torturers.” 

“ _Technically_ , that’s not true.” Jester said, causing all eyes to go to her. “I mean the truth part.  _Technically_ , I could cast a spell on her that would make her tell the truth. That way we’d know if we’d have to leave right now or if we could go back to sleep. Well, I don’t think we’d go back to sleep anyway. But, I’d like to know if we’re being followed or not.”

“So we heal it and waste a spell on it just to kill it again?” Fjord snapped, grouchy from being woken up in the middle of the night. “That sounds  _incredibly_  stupid. But…” He looked at Jester, who was still looking at the body with some hint of upset in her eyes. “I guess it’s better to know. Beau, tie it up.”

“Okay, Captain Tusktooth,” Beau rolled her eyes, giving a fake salute as she grabbed a spiral of rope that was attached to the side of the cart. Caduceus knew she pretended to be annoyed that Fjord was giving instructions, but at the end of the day they were all glad to have someone who could decide on a course of action. Before they had gone out to sea, their group was a disorganized mess that was constantly running in different directions. Even Caduceus contributed to the mess, though he was a newer addition to the team. However, the time they spent at sea had proven that Fjord was a natural leader and was rightfully the team’s captain, and while they were still a disorganized mess, it was nice to have someone to look to in times of indecision.

Beau quickly tied up the small goblin, bringing her closer to the fire in the centre of the camp where they could all easily see. Fjord situated everyone in a circle around the goblin, with Yasha right behind her, the Magician’s Judge resting on the goblins shoulders.

“Okay, Jester, heal it. Not too good. We still want it to be weak,” Fjord ordered, falchion currently dismissed in favor of having the energy of Eldritch Blast rest in his hands, ready to fire if needed. “Your spell—how long does it last again? Ten minutes?” Jester nodded, currently kneeling in front of the goblin, hands resting on her wrist. “Okay. I’ll do the talking, unless anyone has objections?” he asked, looking around at every member of the group individually. No one said anything. “Alright. Okay. Here we go. Jester, heal it.”

The group watched as Jester muttered something in an unknown language, the holy symbol dedicated to the Traveler on her waist lighting with a dull glow as almost immediately the goblins huge eyes opened, revealing a sickly yellow colour. The goblin looked confused at first, but then quickly panicked as she thrashed against the ropes.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” Yasha stated calmly, pressing the Magician’s Judge into the goblin’s neck. The reaction was almost immediate as the goblin stopped thrashing, though the panicked look remained in her eyes as her gaze darted between the members of the group.

“Look at me,” Fjord said, his magical energy still remaining in his hands. He walked closer to the goblin, whose eyes were now focused on him, and he crouched a foot in front of her. Caduceus, knowing that Fjord was a good man, possibly confused at times but nevertheless a good man, had never seen Fjord look quite as threatening as he did right now. “You better be listening. Are you listening?”

He paused and the goblin nodded her head incessantly, not breaking eye-contact.

“Good,” Fjord breathed, allowing a smile to creep up onto his face. His tusks were beginning to grow back in after a while of going without filing, and it only helped his intimidation. “Now, my friend here is going to cast a spell on you. This spell will force you to tell the truth, and this is to ensure that when we ask you questions, you won’t lie to us. Now, and listen to this very carefully, you will have the choice to try and fight against this spell. I highly advise against that, do you know why?” Fjord said, and when the goblin shook her head, his smile grew. “My friend will know if you fight against it, and she’ll tell me. And if I find out that you are in anyway being uncooperative to us, I will bevery, very mad. And you don’t want to piss me off any more than you already have, trust me. Do you understand?”

The goblin stared for less than a second before nodding her head slowly, her eyes now filled with fear. Caduceus, while never a man with fear in his heart, felt a chill go down his spine at this interaction. He knew Fjord was only being threatening to make sure they weren’t being lied to. He knew Fjord was only acting like this to protect their group. But still, seeing his friend like this only filled his gut with discomfort.

“Good. Jester, cast it, please.”

-

As she felt the spell being cast on her, she expected it to hurt. Flashes of what felt like seconds ago ran through her mind, and as she felt the magic begin to take hold of her, she had to remind herself not to fight it, even though every instinct in her body told her otherwise. The effort alone left her heaving for breath, but she managed to allow the spell to take its hold, not wanting to incite the wrath of these people any more than she already had. However, she knew that was pointless because there was no way this interaction was ending with her any place but dead.

“Okay, first things first,” the half-orc man said, standing from his previously crouching position. She took in his appearance. He had green skin, lit by the fire that was behind him, but unlike hers, his looked healthy and it transitioned into different shades of green over his body and she couldn’t help the back of her mind admiring how beautiful he was compared to her. He had scars on his face, and yet those did nothing to insult him, unlike her own. “Where’s your clan?”

It made sense that would be the first question. But, it didn’t help calm her as something twisted inside her gut, knowing that there was no easy answer to his question. She knew what he was expecting. It was unheard of for a single goblin to be on her own, without a clan. Most goblins weren’t smart enough to survive on their own. Most were killed the second they entered into civilisation. Somehow, depending on how you look at it, she was lucky enough or unlucky enough to avoid that fate.

“I don’t have a clan.” she replied, her voice shakier than it was normally. Almost immediately the half-orc rolled his eyes, seemingly already impatient.

“Jester, I thought your spell was supposed to  _prevent_  lying.” the half-orc snapped, looking at the blue tiefling who seemed to be in shock. 

“She’s not lying, Fjord. I would know if she was.” the tiefling snapped back, instantly recovering from the shock. She didn’t seem to like having her magic doubted. 

The half-orc, Fjord, apparently, took a couple seconds to think. He seemed to realize that was the tiefling, Jester, was saying was correct. Which only meant one thing: that she was telling the truth.

“Okay, so, no clan… Alright,” Fjord said, his attention going back to her. His eyes seemed to dart around, wondering for what next to ask. “What happened to your clan?”

“I left them,” she answered, and for a second she thought maybe,  _maybe_ , this could turn out okay. Maybe if these were good people… But then she remembered that they already nearly killed her once. They most likely didn’t need a reason to do it a second time.

“Why in the Nine Hells would you do that?” The question seemed to escape the man out of shock, not taking the time to think it over before it left his mouth. She noticed a few of his other companions, specifically the human dressed in blue clothing, also have a reaction that seemed like complete shock.

“They were bad,” she answered, not giving the whole truth but still not lying. She had to decide how much she wanted to reveal to this group of strangers who were threatening her life. Maybe if she told them enough they would let her go. Maybe they would kill her no matter what. “I didn’t… I hated them. They hurt people,  _innocent people_ , and I couldn’t stay there and let them do that.” Panic began to rise up inside her as memories flashed through her mind, memories of water and torture and blood, and words were spilling out of her mouth, trying to say  _anything_  that would let her get out with her life. “They were evil and they ate humans and children and laughed in the face of others misery and  _gods_  I couldn’t live with that so I left them. I ran away from them. I  _hate_  them.”

Silence fell over the group as her answer took each of them by surprise. Panic was rising in her throat and the rope around her wrists were nothing but reminders of her clan and she  _hated_  this position because she was forcing herself to be vulnerable in a way she never wanted to be but she also wanted to live and she couldn’t see a better way out of this.

“You were stealing from us.” the human said after a minute of silence, stepping forward, a staff in hand.  “Why?”

She swallowed, taking a deep breath, trying to focus on answering that more than the building panic in her body. “I don’t… I’ve been on the run for so long,” she said, forcing deep breaths into her shaking body. “I have nothing. I’m sorry. I-I just wanted food and supplies. I don’t see people on the roads very often, and when I do, I take what I need to survive.” she paused, but the spell that was on her forced her to continue. “Mostly.”

“Mostly?” the human cocked a brow, grip tightening on the staff. 

“I… I took your flask. I’m sorry! But it was so pretty! I don’t get to touch many pretty things. I don’t get to touch  _any_  pretty things. I’m sorry. You can take it back. Just please don’t kill me. I don’t want to die.” she begged, eyes going from the human to the blue tiefling to the half-orc, each of which seemed to have their own version of pity—and probably disgust—in their eyes.

Silence overtook the group as the three all made eye contact with each other, seemingly having a conversation just with looks. The only one who didn’t seem to join was the very tall firbolg who was standing just a bit farther from the rest, a distant look in his eyes.

“That’s okay.” the blue tiefling said, a small smile on her lips. From Fjord’s reaction, it didn’t look like he approved of her saying this, but he didn’t disapprove enough to say anything. “I like pretty things too. Here, look at all these rings I have!” she continued, taking her hand and waggling her fingers in front of the goblin’s eyes.

"They’re very pretty,” she said, admiring them with a soft look. 

“We won’t kill you.” the tiefling said, patting her on her knee. The words took her by surprise, as they also took Fjord and the human by surprise.

“Jester!” both of them called out and she realized they probably disagreed. They wanted to kill her.

“No!” Jester said, tailing flicking against the ground as she grabbed one of her hands. The gesture surprised her. Everyone she ever met avoided physical contact with her as much as possible. “We are  _not_  killing her! She didn’t do anything to us. She’s not evil. We are not killing her because she is  _innocent_  and all she did was try to take a couple potatoes and a flask that none of us even care about!” Jester had tears in her eyes and from the shocked look at the others in the camp, including the firbolg, she assumed that this tiefling was not one to shout at the others. In quieter voice, she said, “We are not Lorenzo. We aren’t murderers.”

Once again, silence over took the camp. A few moments passed and she felt the sword that was on her shoulder drop, and a huge wave of relief came over her. Jester was crying now, into her hand, so even when the ropes around her came loose, she couldn’t run.

“Jester is right.” A voice from behind her came, the person who had been holding the sword this entire time. Slowly, the person walked in front of her, and while she couldn’t get a good view on this person, she did manage to see that this person was  _tall_  and had black hair that faded into white and was extremely muscular. She was grateful this was her first time seeing this person, because if she had known the person holding the sword that decided whether she lived or died looked like  _that_ , she would have been a lot more terrified.

“We leave places better than we found it. If there was one thing Molly taught me, it was that.” the tall woman said softly, eyes turning around to meet hers. She noticed that the eyes were mismatched, one cyan and the other violet. “Killing her would not make this better than we found it.”

“Yasha’s right.” the human said, a guilty look on her face if only for a split second before it vanished into a solemn face. “Fjord.”

The half-orc took a second to look from the fire to the human, slowly nodding. His gaze fell back on her, eyes sad and almost defeated. “No one hurts the goblin.” he pauses, looking at Jester’s still crying figure. “Just… no one hurts the goblin.”

With his shoulders slumped, he walks off to the cart, out of view from everybody else.

She sits there, not knowing what else to do. The tiefling was still crying and the human muttered something about doing a perimeter check before taking off. The tall woman sat near the fire and the firbolg didn’t move from his position, no longer looking at anything, just into the distance. 

Whatever she expected from tonight, this was not it. These people seemed broken in a way she thought was only possible for her. Which was oddly comforting. Maybe she wasn’t the only one who knew what being broken felt like.

After a couple of minutes, the tiefling’s cries slowed down until they stopped completely, and she raised her head with a sad smile in her direction.

 “I haven’t actually introduced myself. My name’s Jester,” the tiefling said, removing her blue hand from her green one. “What’s yours?”

She hesitated for a second, then, as she felt the spell fade, she took a deep breath. “Nott. Nott the Brave.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAH THERE WE GOOOO
> 
> of course i had to add molly angst cuz like i said before, i'm bitter
> 
> ALSO apologies if fjord is kind of an asshole. it's the relationship between him and nott and not his actual character i swear ((also some of travis' chaotic energy is probably transferred into fjord lmao)). i love fjord
> 
> AAAAND beau is an asshole but that's her character and we love her for it ((it's hard when she's hurting my fave lil goblin tho))
> 
> jester's a precious bb girl as always and she loves smol little creatures and i absolutely adore nott and her's relationship
> 
> caduceus is so interesting to write and i love his character so much. i think him and jester are my faves to figure out how they would react and what they would do in certain situations
> 
> yasha's character is quiet but she is here i promise she's not gonna disappear like ashley. her and molly's relationship is always gonna make me cry
> 
> nott's a lil bundle of chaos and it's gonna be interesting to write her without a wizard to protect but i'm kinda excited for it
> 
> but speaking of the wizard........... where is he???????????? 
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> also i apologize if there's mistakes lmao i wrote it in like one night when i was supposed to be studying. pls forgive


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Group tensions and an unnamed character.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some pain/torture tw for the end of the chapter

“How does that feel, Nott? Does it still hurt? I’m so sorry Nott! I don’t have any more magic left! I hope it doesn’t hurt!” Jester cried, almost cradling the small goblin in her arms. “Tell me where it hurts! Maybe I can fix it normally. I have some medical supplies, you know! Actually, I think you stole it. Or  _tried_  to steal it! But that’s okay, because you  _technically_  didn’t actually steal anything. Which is very good! But where are you hurt? I can probably fix it.” 

Nott, who was not used to seeing people and was even less used to communicating with them, was very overwhelmed. The blue tiefling, Jester, had been very friendly and talkative and  _nice_ , but that wasn’t something Nott was used to. She felt out of place and knew that she should leave as soon as possible, but with the way Jester was barely letting her talk and wasn’t letting go of her, there hadn’t been a way to leave.  

The sun was already in the sky and Nott, who had woken up sore and scared, had spent the past 90 minutes or so being healed by Jester who spent most of the time apologizing for hurting her and explaining why she did so. Being healed by the magic, Nott was no longer in pain, which she was grateful for, but she was tired. She hadn’t slept since the night before and hadn’t ate in even longer, which was normal most of the time, but she wasn’t used to this much magic being cast on her and she still had a bit of a headache from where the human’s staff had hit her before she fell unconscious. Nott was tired and hungry and was grateful to be alive, but she also wasn’t thinking straight. If she had been, she would have already been out of the camp. 

“I’m okay… Thank you,” Nott breathed, speaking quietly. Jester hadn’t seemed to have a problem with volume, but Nott didn’t trust that these people still wouldn’t kill her if she didn’t speak too loud or moved too fast.  

“Oh, that’s good! We should make sure, though, because Beau hit you  _really_  hard on your head. Okay, um,” Jester paused, chewing on her lower lip. She seemed unsure of what to do next. “Okay! I have an idea! Follow my finger, okay? With your eyes though, not your head!” 

Jester began to quickly move her pointer finger back and forth in front of Nott’s eyes and Nott did her best to follow the tiefling’s instructions, confused as to why she was doing it but there was also no reason  _not_  to do it. The tiefling, however, was moving her finger  _really_  fast and it was causing Nott to get dizzy, so after a couple of seconds, she stopped following the finger with her eyes. 

“That’s great, Nott! I think so, at least. I’m going to be honest, Nott, I’m not really the best at  _medical_  things, you know, I’m better at healing with magic and stuff. But sometimes I can wrap up wounds when all my magic is used! But I’m not really sure about head wounds, because like, wrapping up heads doesn’t really help. Unless if your head were bleeding, I guess, but your head’s not bleeding so… Oh! I have an idea!” the tiefling’s voice increased in volume by nearly double, causing Nott to jump. “Caduceus! Come here please! I think I need your help!” 

Almost instantly, the tall, pink firbolg that was leaning over the fire concentrating on making breakfast stood up to his full height and began walking over to the two of them. The height of the creature was taller than two Nott’s and that alone terrified her, even though the look on the firbolg’s face was peaceful and calm. 

“What can I do to help?” he asked, his voice just as calm as his features. His eyes were relaxed and lazy, and there was a small smile on his lips.  

“Can you tell if her head’s okay? I normally would be able to, but you know, all my spells are gone and I’m actually a little tired. I didn’t get to sleep that much last night because I took first shift and then, you know, we didn’t get to finish sleeping, so while I’m sure I can take care of her  _pretty_  okay, I want to make sure she’s  _very_  okay. And Beau hit her head so hard! I just want to make sure, you know?” 

“Okay, Jester.” the firbolg said, getting into a crouched position in front of the both of them. Even crouching, he towered over Nott, and she felt the fear inside her creep up even deeper up her spine. “Just relax, it’s going to be okay,” he whispered as he laid a huge, furry palm against Nott’s head. His hand itself could easily engulf her entire head, and Nott did her best to hide her panic. He began whispering quietly and moving the hand that wasn’t on her head in small motions, his eyes closed as he focused on the spell he was casting. 

The slight throbbing in her head was alleviated and the firbolg finished whispering. His eyes opened and they met her eyes, and she felt the fear inside her lessen considerably. The firbolg had nice eyes, friendly and relaxed and Nott couldn’t see a hint of threat inside of them.  

“There we go. That’s better, isn’t it?” he removed his hand from her head, nodding to himself. Nott wasn’t sure if the question was for her or if he was just talking to himself, but she still nodded and mumbled a ‘thank you’. 

“Oh, she’s so polite Caduceus! I’ve never met a goblin so nice before. Well, actually, I’ve never  _met_  a goblin before—oh, besides the ones we fought before, but I don’t think those really count, because  _technically_ we didn’t really meet them, we just fought them. Maybe those were nice goblins too! I mean, they did try to kill us and all, but we never even got to know their names. Maybe if we introduced ourselves they wouldn’t have tried to hurt us!” 

“Goblins are evil. You shouldn’t… You shouldn’t waste your time on them.” she croaked, eyes flicking to Jester and then to the ground in shame. 

“But you’re not evil! You didn’t even try to hurt us. If there’s anything I’ve learned in the past months, evil things would rather hurt others than live.” As Jester began rambling, Caduceus stood up and walked back to the fire, focusing on breakfast again. “Which is really weird, you know! You’d think it’d be more about saving themselves, but  _nope_. Nott, you don’t even know how many times we’ve fought creatures that could have lived but they decided to hurt us instead of running. It’s really confusing! They’re all dead now, though, so I guess it’s okay.” 

Nott knew from experience that what Jester was saying was true. She didn’t bother interrupting the tiefling to tell her that, and eventually she began to zone out of what the tiefling was saying. She talked  _a lot_ , but Nott appreciated that because it meant she didn’t have to talk.  

 “Jester,” Fjord interrupted the blue tiefling after a long couple of minutes. Jester looked at Fjord with an annoyed glance, pausing her story about an evil circus with a giant toad that tried to kill them. Nott wasn’t paying the most attention and she assumed that was why the story didn’t make sense, but she didn’t bother asking any questions. 

“Excuse me, Nott, it looks like Fjord wants to talk to meee!” Jester sang, standing and then skipping towards the half-orc. The human in blue clothing was already at Fjord’s side, and as he waved her over, Yasha began coming towards them as well. Fjord called the firbolg over, but the tall man waved him off, continuing his focus on making breakfast. 

Nott watched the four talk for a moment, not quite being able to pick up what they were saying. However, their eyes were all flicking towards her every couple of seconds, so she assumed she had a good idea what exactly they were talking about.  

It occurred to her that she was alone, and even though the group was looking at her intermittently, no one was actively watching her. Ropes were still attached to her wrists and ankles, but they weren’t tied together anymore.  

Knowing there was no time like the present, Nott began to move without really thinking first. Hiding in the shadows was second nature to her and even though she was basically in the middle of the camp, she managed to stealthily move to the tall grass without gaining the attention of the four talking, and just as she’s about to crawl into the grass, she hears a voice. 

“Don’t you want to stay for breakfast? I’m almost done,”  

Nott looks back to the soft voice, meeting eyes with the tall firbolg. His expression was still relaxed and calm, a small, friendly smile on his lips. Hesitation ran through her body as she thought about having an actual meal for once, and from what she could smell it was a  _good_  meal. Her stomach twisted into knots and she could tell the firbolg could hear it when her stomach growled and she was mad at her body for betraying her. 

“Thank you, but I...” an excuse failed to reach her lips as her mind came up blank. She spoke quietly, not wanting to gain the attention of the group that were still whispering. This was her chance. She couldn’t waste it, no matter how much her body wanted to protest. “I have to go.” 

Caduceus nodded in an understanding way, eyes closing and Nott couldn’t help but feel like there was a twinge of sadness on his still smiling lips. “May the Wildmother guide you on your journeys.” 

Nott didn’t know how to reply to his sentiment, settling on a nod of gratitude instead of words. She looked at the firbolg, eyes still closed, for a second before taking her opportunity and quietly entering the tall grass. She stayed stealthy as she continued her way through, not entirely sure which direction she was heading in, but that was okay because she didn’t have a direction in mind. She kept walking until she felt she was far enough from the camp for them to no longer hear her. Then, she started sprinting, directionless but hoping for an escape. 

- 

It took him all of thirty seconds to notice that the goblin was gone. 

His initial reaction was fear because  _holy shit a goblin knows where we_ _are_ _and she’s gone and who knows what she’s doing_. He showed his fear with a loud “fuck!” and summoned his falchion, eyes scanning the premises to see if he could see where the goblin had went. 

“Fjord, what the fuck?” Beau exclaimed, surprised by his sudden outburst but arming her staff, looking around the camp for any sign of threat. Yasha followed suit and Jester’s eyes worriedly looked at where the goblin had been located, noticing the spot now empty. 

“The  _fucking_  goblin’s gone!” he yelled, turning towards the cart to make sure it wasn’t currently being pillaged. When he noticed the cart empty of life, he felt a part of his mind relax, but his body was still tense. 

“Oh no, where did she go?!” Jester cried, beginning to search the camp. There was worry evident in her voice, and annoyance tickled the back of Fjord’s mind because he knew the worry wasn’t from the goblin but rather  _for_  the goblin.    The tiefling was too quick to trust things that were small and cute— gods  forbid anyone found that goblin  cute —and sooner rather than later it was going to bite the group in the ass. He had a feeling that today might be the  _sooner_  part of that expression. 

“We shouldn’t have untied her! Now she’s gone and she’s gonna do fuck knows what and—” 

“ _Fjord!_ ” Jester interrupted him, fury in her eyes.  

“What?! You don’t know what she’s gonna do! I  _knew_  we shouldn’t have trusted her!” he continued, matching her fury with his own. She did not have the right to be mad at him, not after she was the one who insisted to keep the goblin alive and brought up Lorenzo and insinuated that if they killed the goblin, they would be anything like that monster. “For all we know, she’s watching us right now and is just waiting to cut your throat and steal everything you have on you!”  

There are a few moments of tense silence as he sees Jester struggle to come up with a response. However, it isn’t her words that break the silence, but rather the firbolg’s. 

“Mr. Fjord,” the firbolg began. Fjord could almost hear the struggle in the firbolg’s vocal chords to remain calm in this situation. “I don’t think she intended to cause us any harm. If she had, I think she would have fought us instead of run when we caught her stealing. I think she just wanted some food.” 

Fjord ran the words through his head, trying to think rationally. He knew that was Caduceus was saying had an aura of truth to it. The goblin had not been looking for a fight and even when confronted, the goblin still chose to run than to fight. A part of that annoyed him itself because he wasn’t a fan of those who refused to fight, but the annoyance was easier to understand than the fear that had originally plagued him. 

He looked at the others in the camp and noticed that Beau and Yasha, while still having their weapons in their hands, were no longer arming them in preparation for a fight.  

“I don’t like it,” he said, shaking his head. “Not one fuckin’ bit.” 

“Neither do I,” Beau agreed, still eyeing the outskirts of the camp warily. “We should keep moving. If the goblin  _is_  following us, she won’t be able to enter Zadash without being arrested on the spot. Not that I think she’d follow us for that long, but still, better safe than sorry.”  

Fjord could tell Beau was trying to keep the situation calm, much as Caduceus had been trying. He appreciated it slightly more from the monk, knowing her basic reactions were more to fight than to delegate. He knew it must have taken a lot of effort from her to choose to find a solution to this problem other than just searching the tall grasslands around them for the goblin, and there was a small part of him that was proud of his first mate. 

“You’re right, Beau,” he said, dismissing his falchion as he nodded his approval towards the monk. He saw a quick flash of what he thought was pride in her eyes, but it disappeared before he could confirm his suspicions. He offered a small smile as he looked back towards the tiefling, who still looked upset, but slightly less than she was previously. “Look, I’m sorry. It’s just, you know how things are. After our time at sea… It’s safer not to trust anyone, is all I was trying to say. I’m sorry for being an asshole about it.” 

His apology was sincere, and as Jester listened to him, he could see the anger fade from her eyes. She offered a small smile and said, “Okay, Fjord,” and almost immediately he felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Jester was someone he cared deeply for and he hated seeing her upset, and he hated even more to be the one to make her upset. He couldn’t help but have his smile falter when he realized that she had been getting more and more angry with him the longer they were together, but he hoped that would pass. The tiefling was dealing with a lot, and if she wanted to push some of that weight onto Fjord, it was his job as their captain to carry that load.  

Especially, Fjord thought, considering they were currently on their way to Zadash so Jester could finally introduce herself to the Gentleman as his daughter. That was a lot to deal with and Fjord didn’t envy her position.  

“Let’s eat breakfast and then get going, yeah?”  

- 

Nott had probably run for over an hour straight before she was forced to stop and take a break, her nimble body having its limits. She had collapsed onto the ground, the field now more open and the grass shorter than it had been when she started running. It offered her the chance to stare into the endless blue of the sky, her lungs heaving and legs aching as she struggled for breath. There was a cold sweat that coated her body and she could feel her tight bandages had begun to come lose, and despite the chilly weather Nott felt uncomfortably warm as she struggled out of her cloak, wishing her body the ability to breathe so that her small lungs weren’t the only part of her taking in oxygen.  

She lied there for probably too long, her body eventually calming to normal as her eyes continued to search the blue abyss of the sky. In the back of her mind, she realized she was getting cold, but she ignored that thought. She ignored all thoughts. She just kept staring at the sky, her heart yearning for something she knew she could never have. Tears began to well in her eyes as she realized that the blue of the sky was the same shade as the tiefling, and she could almost swear she could still feel that blue hand in hers.  

She locked that thought in her head as she finally sat up, body sore and exhausted from the forced physical activity she had just endured. Her stomach burned with hunger and there was a moment of dizziness as the blood in her head spread to the rest of her body. 

She took the time to rewrap all the bandages on her body, fingers still nimble despite the rest of her body suffering. She stood up slowly and looked at her surroundings and cursed to herself as she realized she was even more lost than before. Nott had never been one that took well to nature, and when she ran from the last town she was in, she had no idea what direction to head in. Her plan had been to stick to the road and live off travellers, and it was working. Until she got caught.  

Now she was even more lost than before. She was starving. She had no idea where she came from. And, she realized with a shout, she had left her crossbow at the camp. She was weaponless, save for one dagger than hung from her belt.  

She would have been better off if the half-orc had killed her. 

She stood there for awhile, a cold breeze causing her body to shiver, her cloak still lying useless on the ground. In the back of her mind, she knew she had started from lower points before. She had begun adventures with less. She had climbed her way up from the bottom of empty ravines and she had bled and cried and lost everything. This was not the worst place she had ever been in. 

But her hands were still empty. Her heart was still hollow. Her path was still deserted. She still hurt. She was just being reminded again and again of everything she lost and everything she could not find.  

Eventually, her fingers began to move again. Her mind had not given them permission, but her body was a lot better at keeping her alive than her mind was, so she didn’t fight against it. She picked off the cloak from the ground and wrapped it around her body, attempting to warm her body up. She put her hood up, covering her ears and she hugged her body tight. She stood like that for a few seconds as her feet began to move, one step ahead of the next. She didn’t think about where she was going. She didn’t think about where she had come from. She didn’t think about blue eyes or bushy brown hair. She didn’t think at all. She just walked and kept walking. 

- 

The room was dark as he struggled against the chains around his wrists, trying desperately to break free. He knew he only had a couple more minutes until the guard would return, and he needed to work as fast as possible, but his brain was racing way too fast to form a coherent thought and his hands were shaking and his nerves were skyrocketing.  

Logically, he knew the chains were of too good a material to break through. If he tried, he’d end up breaking his hand before he broke the chain. He had thought,  _maybe_ , he might be able to  lockpick  them, but  he ended up just breaking the  paperclip he had managed to  smuggle into the cell.  He was frustrated beyond comprehension because he knew that if he had access to his magic, he would be able to break out in less than a minute.  _If_  he had his magic. But he didn’t. And his fingers failed where his mind wouldn’t have and he was getting angrier by the second—but that anger was driven by pure terror, and that was what was causing him to panic. And panicking for him never ended well. 

He ended up trying to pull against the chains with his nonexistent strength, feeling the manacles digging into his skin and draw blood, but  _he didn’t care_ . He needed  to be free and he needed to be free  _now_  or else the night would  result  in  nothing  but pain and misery  and it would never end.  He felt the blood begin to drip down his wrists  as he kept pulling and pulling and pulling but the chains didn’t  give,   and the manacles were  _under_  his skin but gods he could live with  butchered hands so he  _kept pulling_  and the pain would have taken over his entire mind by now if it weren’t for the fear. 

It felt as though fire were engulfing both of his hands and for a second he almost believed they were until with a sickening  _squelch_  and he was falling backwards as he realized one of his hands came free and he couldn’t help but release a loud cry as he hit the ground and could feel exposed bone in his hand and if he were thinking anymore rationally he would have thrown up. He couldn’t focus on this hand though because his other hand was still trapped inside the manacle, but the pain was nauseating, and he knew the only thing keeping him conscious was the pure fear he felt.  

He let out another whimper as he began to pull with his other hand and the pain that fired up again almost caused him to hesitate, but he knew in this situation that hesitation meant  _death_  and he couldn’t die yet so he pulled  again despite ever y cell in his body telling him not to .   He pulled and he felt the manacle  move  further off his hand  and he was  _so_ _close,_ and he twisted  his  hand and this time the  _squelch_ of the manacle sliding off his hand was deafened by his scream of pain. 

Reality shifted and he couldn’t tell which way was up and which was down as pain took over his entire being and he screamed out of pure torture. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, the logical part of his mind was still working. It told him not to scream because the guard would hear and know something was happening. However, the pain engulfed that thought as well and part of him fell unconscious because the torment was too much, but he could hear his screams even in his dreams. 

Eventually, reality came back to him and he became aware of other sensations besides the pain. The coldness of the stone floor beneath him. The taste of blood in his mouth. The wetness of his pants. All sensations were still too much as he laid there panting, finally managing to contain his screams. In the back of his mind, a thought:  _You’re free. Run._  

It took him what felt like eternity to finally bring himself the courage to sit up, but he knew it was only 30 seconds. Moving his hands was too painful and he knew his arms were shaking and that just made standing up all the harder, but he stood because he knew he had no other choice. This was it. This was his one chance at freedom. Lose it now and he was going to be stuck here for the rest of his life, however long that was. 

He moved towards the cell door in the dark. He had the entire cage memorized from when guards themselves needed light and would bring down torches. Being in the dark now would have little effect on him. After what he just endured, he was thankful for the darkness. 

But he was not thankful for the next step. His plan hadn’t had a failsafe. He needed his hands for the next part, and he knew just how much it would hurt but he was  _so close_  to escaping the cage that he couldn’t give up now. He could almost taste the freedom. It was on the other side of the cage and he was just inches away from it. 

Biting his lip to keep in the sounds of pain, he used what little function he had left of his hands to pull the keys he had earlier stolen from the guard out of his coat pocket. His hands were shaking and that caused the keys to jingle and he realized that his cheeks were wet, but he didn’t care about any of that. He needed to escape.  

He focused all his energy on the keys. He knew there were seven of them on this key ring. He knew three had circular ends and four had square ends. His key was one of the square ends. No, not the biggest. Not the smallest either. That left two. He knew his was the bronze one while the other was silver, but he couldn’t see at all, so he had to guess. He grabbed one of the medium square keys in his shaking hand, pain radiating throughout his hand to his arm, but he was focused, and he couldn’t let the pain take him off task. 

He reached his hand through the bars on his cage to the right of where he knew the lock was. He whimpered as he had to curl his hand in order to get the key to face the lock, grasping the key like it was his last line to life. He missed the lock  _once,_ then  _twice,_  and he felt more tears like down his face as on the third try he got it on the lock. It went in all the way and he held his breath and  _dear gods maybe this is the right key_.  

And he twisted. 

With a  _click,_  the  key turned the lock  and relief filled his heart  as he felt the door open slightly and  _freedom was here_. 

And then pain took over his entire world again as he felt something grab his hand and he  _screamed_  and fell to his knees instantly.  A knee jerk reaction tried to pull his hand back to his body, but whatever was holding it wasn’t letting go and then it started squeezing and he  couldn’t process  anything,  but white, hot, intense pain  and he threaded the line between awake and unconscious again.  He started begging in every language he could s peak but the words  weren’t reaching his mouth and his mind was just a jumble of  _pleasenein_ _stopbitte_ _icanttakeitan_ _ymore_ _tötemich_ _._  

His mind let him know that he stayed in that position, in that life ending pain, for a minute and twenty-three seconds. And then the pressure on his hand released and he fell to the ground, unconscious before his face hit the stone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry again for any mistakes <333
> 
> writing this is really fun but midterms are coming up so even tho i want to upload a new chapter every week next week might be skipped
> 
> bUT ALSO who could this unnamed character possibly be?????????????????????????????? i wonder


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jester's going through some things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaah i'm so sorry it took so long for me to upload a new chapter :((( midterms came and then i worked a lot and of course there were technical difficulties cuz why would my documents ever save when i want them to
> 
> ANYWAYS here it isss. i hope yall like it <3333

They had to pull to the side of the road much earlier than any of them would have liked. The sun was still in the sky and from Caduceus’ best guess, there was still two hours of sunlight. None of them liked the idea of setting up camp when there was still daylight to travel in, but after the previous night’s escapades, none of them had gotten a proper night’s sleep and they were all too exhausted to keep travelling.

Besides, it was getting cold and none of them were used to the cold after months out on the sea, so setting up earlier would give them a better chance to find firewood and light a bigger fire. There were few trees around, but they hoped it was enough to keep them warm for the night.

They pulled over silently as everyone begun the nightly routine. Beau and Yasha did a perimeter check and started picking up firewood as Caduceus began the preparations for dinner. Jester started unloading the bed rolls and tents from the cart as Fjord fed the horses and then the two of them began setting up the tents. Before long, the fire was set and dinner was cooking.

The camp was silent as everyone watched the fire. No one had been particularly talkative during the day, which would be considered normal if it weren’t for Jester. Usually the tiefling would fill up the empty space talking about her childhood or the traveller or unicorns but the tiefling had barely said a word all day. She had spent the entire days travel just staring off into the distance instead of focusing on painting like she normally did.

Fjord had attempted here and there to make conversation with Jester, but she normally responded with a kind smile and a nod. If he asked her a question, she would give a one-word response and then the conversation would die off there. At first, Fjord had thought she was mad at him, but then he realized as he watched her more intently that wasn’t the case at all. Whenever he looked at her, the tiefling had been biting her lip or flicking her tail or wringing the coils on her sketchbook. She was nervous, and the closer they were getting to Zadash, the more nervous she got.

Caduceus picked up on this much more quickly than Fjord did, as well as Beau. Yasha was the only one who hadn’t noticed, but she herself had been distracted all day. Or, at least, that’s what the group assumed. She had spent the entire day staring at the sky, her brow furrowed in concentration. She seemed distracted but no one really knew enough about Yasha’s god to ask.

Fjord felt more alert than normal during the days travel, despite the lack of a full rest the night before. The knowledge that they might be getting trailed by a sneaky little goblin didn’t exactly fill his heart with fear, but he didn’t want to get surprised like he did the previous night. It only brought him back memories of when Lorenzo had ambushed him, Jester, and Yasha, and those were memories he never felt comfortable with. He refused to let another situation like that happen. Not to him or the others.

Beau was grouchier than normal during the day, meeting any attempts at conversation with grunts and, in Fjord’s case, the occasional ‘fuck off.’ She wasn’t doing it to be mean, so Fjord took no offense. He was used to Beau’s charm after months of being locked on a ship with her.

Caduceus seemed to understand that no one else was in a talking mood, so he kept to himself. The most conversation he did offer was to the wildlife around them or an occasional side comment to the Wildmother. It wasn’t odd for him to keep quiet, but it was odd to hear the others so quiet. A day without any jokes he failed to understand was a long one.

The food was served and everyone quietly ate their meals. Beau sat closer to the edge of their camp, wrapping herself in her cloak, seemingly watching for any signs of danger. Fjord and Caduceus were sitting together near the fire. Yasha quickly finished eating and made a comment about how she was going to go looking for more fire wood, the sun just beginning to set.

Jester sat alone, picking at her food. She watched as Beau shivered from the cold and how Fjord and Caduceus were huddled in front of the fire for warmth. There was no doubt in her mind that they were all cold, but she could barely feel the weather having an effect on her at all. It was odd, growing up she never realized there was anything different about that. Her mom seemed to have the same abilities but with fire rather than the cold, but Jester always just assumed it was random. But then she had met Molly, another tiefling. The second tiefling she had ever met in her entire life. And he was the same as her mom.

Unanswered thoughts raced her mind. Was it because of her dad that she wasn’t as affected by the cold instead of fire? Was the Gentleman truly her dad? Did he want to be her dad?

She thought of the unanswered Sending messages she had sent him. A part of her was hurt that he didn’t even bother to reply, but she also tried to rationalize it that he probably didn’t know she was his daughter and it was a lot to dump on someone in 25 words or less. But still, it wouldn’t have hurt the guy to say _something_ and even if she wasn’t his daughter, she still helped him out! She deserved a reply just from the amount of times the party had done stuff for him! But _no,_ he didn’t even bother to say anything.

All these thoughts filled her mind with doubt. Jester knew that she wanted to talk to the Gentleman, but a part of her was terrified he was going to reject her before he ever even bothered to get to know her. She wouldn’t even be able to do anything about it. If she got angry at the Gentleman, that would be bad for the group. Not like that mattered. Jester didn’t feel like she would be able to be angry by this if she got hurt. She wasn’t Beau and couldn’t take out her emotions in fits of anger. She wasn’t Yasha and wasn’t fuelled by rage. She wasn’t Fjord and couldn’t have anger help make her more precise in battle. She wasn’t an angry person. Even yelling at Fjord earlier in the day came from sadness and fear rather than a brewing rage.

As she sat there deep in thought, Jester’s mind began to focus on the day’s events, trying to get rid of the anxiety thinking about the Gentleman gave her. She felt guilty as she thought of Nott the Brave, remembering attacking her when she initially tried to run away. She would have let her die, too, if Caduceus hadn’t said anything about questioning her. She still felt a little upset with Fjord for being so mean to the goblin, so judgemental, but she also knew there were other reasons she was upset with Fjord and those were probably making her more upset.

She felt even worse about letting Nott run away. When Jester was healing her, the goblin had looked so skinny and frail and Jester could basically feel the malnutrition radiating off her. Along with the malnutrition was fear and Jester tried to make her feel better, but her words failed and then she was distracted, and she let Nott run away without feeding her. She couldn’t help but feel a pang of sadness thinking about what could happen to Nott.

“Hey, uh, mind if I sit?” a voice interrupted Jester’s thought. Jester looked up at the monk with a smile.

“Of course, Beau!” Jester patted the spot on the grass beside her and the monk sat down. Jester noticed that Beau was avoiding eye contact with her, but that didn’t feel too out of the normal. Beau wasn’t someone who was particularly good at conversation skills, despite all the tips Fjord had given her.

“Thanks, Jess.” Beau mumbled. There was a distant look in her eyes.

“What are you thinking about?” Jester asked, hoping the monk wouldn’t close off. There was a part of Jester that was sad when she thought of Beau. Before they had gone out to sea, they had shared a room every night and they bonded a lot over that. It was nice to have someone to share a room with. Jester had spent her entire childhood in a room alone, except for when her mom would join. It was nice to have a roommate.

But then they had gone out to sea and it was no longer the two of them sharing a room. Or, it was, but _everyone_ on the ship shared the same room, in the crew’s quarters. They had all slept in hammocks, usually taking turns sleeping while others where above board, sailing. It wasn’t the same as sleeping alone in a room with Beau, and the first mate had weird sleeping hours. Beau would oversee the ship when Fjord was asleep, and Jester was usually asleep when Fjord was.

Of course, there were still times when the two girls would see each other, but it wasn’t the same as it had been previously. They didn’t get to talk in private and gossip about the other members. Beau was closer to Fjord, which was weird for Jester. The tiefling wasn’t sure how she felt about Fjord. All she knew that after Avantika, things were different. Beau and Fjord were closer, and Jester felt a little more alone.

 “Are you nervous about meeting your dad?”

To say the question was a surprise would be an understatement. Jester felt as though all the breath in her body dissipated instantly. Breathing in more air was a struggle. The feeling was similar to just being kicked in the stomach.

She managed to keep the smile on her face.

“What do you mean, Beau?” was all she managed to say, her mind blank.

“I mean… I don’t know. I noticed you were off today, is all.” the monk replied, still not meeting Jester’s eyes. She was thankful for that. A part of her knew that if Beau looked at her face, she would notice something was extremely off. Jester struggled to put a normal expression back on her face before the monk looked.

“Oh, really? I’m sorry! I didn’t realize I was being weird. I’m just tired from last night, I think. And I used all my spells this morning on Nott, so that feels really weird. No magic at all, you know? It feels weird.” Jester rattled off the excuses, hoping for Beau to believe any one of them.

There was silence for a little and Jester wasn’t sure what to think about it. Her mind was racing as she thought of more things to say to Beau, but saying anything else felt too risky. Like she was revealing too much.

“Did you know I have a brother?” Beau asked eventually, staring at her palms which laid open in her lap. Jester shook her head in silence, brow furrowing in confusion and surprise. “It’s not… Important, I guess. I never met him. I didn’t even know my mom was pregnant. I just got a letter one day telling me I had a brother and I... I haven’t talked to my family since.”

Jester let a respectable moment of silence pass before she spoked. “Beau, I… I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

The words felt awkward as they left her tongue, feeling wrong as she spoke them. Jester didn’t know why she was apologizing, but she didn’t know what else to say. She watched as an unamused smile came onto Beau’s face.

“It’s funny, you know? In a way, that was the best fucking thing that ever happened to me.” Finally, the monk met Jester’s eyes. “They were my family, right? But it never _felt…_ I don’t know, good? My dad was an asshole and my mom hated me because she wanted a son and I could never do _that_ no matter how hard I wanted to when I was a kid. I grew up hating them because no matter what I did, they never treated me like their daughter.”

For the first time since the news of Molly’s death had been broken, the monk’s eyes were dewy with unshed tears. Jester was stunned into complete silence, not used to seeing this much emotion from Beau. She wasn’t sure what to think or to do so she just kept the eye contact with the human, trying to show as much compassion as she could with her eyes.

“And then I got the letter and I realized I was free. They had gotten what they wanted and I didn’t have to pretend to be something I wasn’t. That’s when I left everything behind and I didn’t… I was my own person, finally, you know? I didn’t have a family that didn’t want me anymore. A family that _I_ didn’t want. I travelled on my own for a little but then I ran into you and Fjord and we went to the circus with Yasha and Molly and then… And now Caduceus is with us and just…”

Beau stumbled for words, finally looking uncomfortable with the emotion that she was letting escape. The discomfort on her face felt familiar to Jester and the tiefling found it easier to breathe. Beau being so open was unfamiliar territory for Jester and she didn’t want to risk saying anything that would make the human close off or feel threatened.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that… I’m closer with you guys than I ever was with my family. And I’m glad for that because… because family isn’t everything. If there’s anything my childhood taught me, it’s that. So just… Don’t worry too much about what might happen. Because no matter what, you have us. And your mom. And we’re with you, Jess, no matter what, okay? We’re on your side.”

The words twisted an unnamed emotion in Jester’s gut and the tiefling wasn’t sure how she felt about them. A part of her wanted to open up to Beau about her anxieties and fears and finally have someone to talk to, but another part knew that Beau wasn’t the person to go to. Beau was strong and could be kind, especially to Jester, but emotions weren’t the monk’s strong suit. Jester didn’t want to risk spilling everything inside of her just to be met with a confused and panicky monk who would probably end up running to Fjord for help.

“Thank you, Beau.” Jester offered a small smile and looked away from the human’s blue eyes. “That means a lot to me.” She grabbed Beau’s hand and gave it a tight squeeze to comfort the monk.

They made eye contact for a few more moments before the silence seemed to be too much for Beau and she cleared her throat, excusing herself to go tend to the fire. Jester nodded and continued sitting there, loneliness more evident than ever.

Staring into the fire overwhelmed Jester, too many reminders of what she wasn’t and who she was, so she stood up and mumbled an excuse about having to go to the bathroom as she walked away from the camp. The sun had begun setting and it was starting to become dark out, but her darkvision helped aid her through the waist-high grasslands. She walked far enough from the camp that she could no longer hear the group but could still see the slight glow of the fire.

Jester had been used to being lonely her entire life. Sure, growing up she still had her mom and her mom’s workers to keep her company, but she never had someone her age she could talk to. And then, a miracle had happened.  She was pulling a prank on one of her mom’s customers, a prank she could barely remember now, and she had heard soft laughter from behind her. At the time, she was convinced she had been caught, but when she turned around all she saw was a fleeting cloak for a brief moment before it entirely disappeared.

Now, she knew that was the first time she saw the Traveller. As her pranks continued, he visited more and more, giving her comfort that _someone_ was there with her. She still had that comfort. But when she met Fjord, she had finally met someone that was the same as her. Not the _exact_ same, Jester knew, but he was still someone like something she never had before. A _friend._ A friend that she could talk to in public and didn’t have to keep a secret and Jester loved it, even if she felt a little guilty for having a friend that wasn’t the Traveller.

And then she met Beau, Yasha, Molly, and eventually Caduceus and she made more friends. She finally had people to be herself with and it was great. But then Molly had died, and she lost something she never even realized she could lose. Molly had been _like her._ He was a tiefling and he had been kind and then he was murdered trying to save her. Molly was someone she could identify with, just as the others were, and then he died and Jester lost that on top of losing her friend.

Jester had known loneliness her entire life, but losing him had made it even worse. She had grown used to being lonely but then she was granted a friend until he was ripped away from her. Having something and then losing it hurt _so much more_ than never having something at all, and losing Molly made Jester realize that.

Then they went to sea and Jester lost her close friendship with Beau. Something unnamed had happened between her and Fjord, and while she wasn’t exactly sure what it was—didn't want to think about what it was—, she lost something with him, too.

She cared for Caduceus and was thankful she had something by her side that could help heal the others, taking some immense pressure off of her. However, the firbolg wasn’t the best at conversations and when Jester did try to joke with him, he laughed but she knew he didn’t really understand what she was saying.

Yasha was somewhat like Caduceus in that Jester cared for her, but there was something in the way of becoming too close with the aasimar. While on the ship Jester and Yasha had grown a lot closer, but there felt like there was always something distancing Yasha from the rest of them—Jester imagined it had a lot to do with the loss of Zuala—and that made it nearly impossible for that to help cure Jester’s loneliness.

So maybe it was the loneliness in her heart that inspired Jester’s next actions.

She reached into a pocket and grasped the cool pearl in her hand, her mind blank as she muttered the command word in Infernal. She felt a surge of magic flow from the pearl into her hand that quickly spread through the rest of her body, and with her other hand she grasped the Traveler’s symbol and began casting Sending.

“Hi, Nott!” Despite her mood, her words were cheery. She didn’t want to scare the goblin away and she knew this was possibly her only chance. Normally, Fjord would keep count of how many words she had left of the spell, but Fjord wasn’t around so Jester was forced to keep track by herself. “I’m sorry about this morning.”

Eighteen words left.

“We have your crossbow.”

Fourteen.

“I want to give it back.”

Eight.

“Please, stay where you are.”

Three.

“Reply if yes.”

Jester’s heart thumped in her chest as she was met with silence that seemed to swallow the atmosphere around her. She wasn’t sure why she wanted Nott to reply so badly, but she feared the possibility that there would be no reply. Because, of course, that could only mean so many things. One, Nott didn’t want her crossbow back. Which would be okay with Jester.

But the thought of the second possibility, one much dire, scared the tiefling. If something had happened to Nott and there was a possibility Jester could have saved her…

Her thoughts didn’t have a chance to wonder much longer when a crackly, dry voice suddenly appeared in her head.

-

“Jester?” the goblin croaked, confused to where the sudden voice had appeared from. She had looked at her surroundings and, whether it was to her relief or disappointment, she did not see a blue tiefling.

“Where are you?” she called out, sitting up from her make-shift bed in the base of a tree. A familiar sensation in the back of her mind, however, told her that Jester wasn’t there in person. She had recognized it as the same feeling as when Jester had casted a spell on her previously. It wasn’t necessarily unpleasant, but a foreign feeling, nonetheless.

“I… I don’t really understand.” She shook her head, running the tiefling’s words through her head again. Why would Jester want to give her a weapon? It seemed too kind, too much of a risk. What did the tiefling have to gain from that?

Warnings shot through her head of danger, but there was a part of Nott that wanted to believe the tiefling was kind and good-hearted. Jester had been the first person in Nott couldn’t remember how long that hadn’t stared at the goblin with disgust in her eyes. Nott wanted that to be true, no matter how foolish it was to want it.

“Why would you want to help me?” the words barely escaped her mouth, nearly silent in the dark night. Nott knew, however, that if Jester was listening, she heard. Nott waited a couple seconds for a response, but none came, and the goblin was silently thankful for that. There was a strong possibility Nott didn’t want to know why, and if she wasn’t so hungry, so tired, so _exhausted_ , she would have thought better of her decision. But she _was_ , so she decided to go with what felt good and not what felt smart.

“I’ll stay here. I don’t really know where I am, but if you can find me… That would be really good.”

Hunger still drained her body from days of extremely minimal amounts of food. The weather was a constant cold now and for over a few weeks she had been trapped in a vast field with no idea what direction was where, but she hadn’t been motivated to find an exit. Cities were dangerous for her. She wasn’t good at surviving off the land, so stealing from unsuspecting travellers was the best plan she had. But there were nights were there weren’t any travellers to steal from, so she was stuck with whatever she carried on her body. And that, as it turned out, was definitely not enough.

“I’m hungry… I’m sorry, I know I refused your food before, but I thought it was better than taking more of your resources. You had used so much of your magic to heal me and I know some of your people didn’t like me… I thought it’d be safest to run. I thought it’d be the best thing. But now… I’m so hungry.” Nott pleaded with the air, her stomach cramped and in knots. She leaned back against the tree, the adrenaline of hearing the tiefling’s voice out of nowhere draining. “Please, just a meal. Then I’ll leave.”

Nott waited in silence for a response, wanting nothing more than to hear the soft, accented voice. The longer she waited, the more hopeless she felt, but she had no energy to even feel bad over it. She just kept waiting for a response, until eventually her eyes had begun to close, and she fell into the world of the unconscious.

 -

Beau had offered to take first watch, and with only a mild argument by Fjord, the party agreed. Caduceus volunteered for the second watch and Fjord insisted on taking the third.

Fjord, Yasha, and Caduceus retired to the tents as Jester and Beau stayed up, Jester saying something about not being tired yet. Beau doubted those words, she could see the dark circles under the cleric’s eyes and the permanent hunch in her shoulders, but the human kept her mouth shut. She had tried to talk to Jester previously, but she had only been met with silence and a closed-off mind.

The silence between the two girls lasted for what felt like an hour before it was broken.

“Beau, what did you think of Nott?” Jester asked, tail flicking against the ground beneath her. Beau looked at Jester in confusion.

“You mean the goblin?” Beau asked and with a flinch from Jester, assumed it was the wrong thing to say. Beau knew that Jester had been more open to the goblin than the rest of them, but that was also just a part of Jester’s personality. She had a tendency to be overly nice to creatures that had done nothing to deserve it.

“Um, yeah. Nott the Brave.” Jester clarified, trying and failing to not let a look of what seemed to be disappointment cross her face.

“I, uh, don’t really know, Jessie. We didn’t really get the chance to get to know her.” Beau thought through her words, not wanting to offend the tiefling more than she had already seemed to. “Why?”

“I don’t think she was trying to do anything bad, you know?” Jester said in a hushed voice, peaking over the back of her shoulder at the tents. “Like, she didn’t try and hurt us and she ran, but that doesn’t mean that she was _evil_ or anything.”

Beau let a couple moments of silence pass between the two of them, not agreeing with Jester’s words but also not wanting to have an argument with the tiefling.

“It doesn’t really matter, right? The goblin’s gone and I doubt she’s still following us after we almost killed her, so wherever she went, I think we’re okay.” Beau answered, watching Jester’s face for any type of reaction. It seemed like the cleric was more careful to not react, though, so all Beau saw was a solemn nod.

“I guess so.” Jester replied, staring into the coals of the now low-burning fire. Beau was somewhat cold, but she was wearing a cloak above her coat and a pair of gloves to help keep her warm. They had all decided that it would be better for whoever was taking watch to dress warm instead of having a large fire, to help conceal the group from whatever dangers laid in the dark night.

Jester, Beau knew, wasn’t affected by the cold. Beau wasn’t sure why, but it still sometimes shocked the monk whenever she saw Jester with bare arms and in a dress with no leggings. She knew it wasn’t a tiefling thing because she had memories of Molly complaining about the cold, even when temperatures weren’t extreme. She never wanted to ask Jester because she feared it could be received as offensive, and she continued to remain silent as the thought ran through her mind.

“It’s just, _you know_ , we have her crossbow and I’m not good at magic that the Traveler doesn’t give me, but even I can tell it’s magic and looks _really_ nice! Like _really_ nice. And I don’t think it’s good for us to keep it because it’s not ours, and who knows how dangerous the magic is? So I was thinking, like,” Jester bit her lip, wringing her hands. Beau watched in confusion, not knowing where the conversation was headed, but fearing she had an idea.

“Like, maybe tomorrow, when I have my magic back, we could find her? To give her back the crossbow because it’s probably _really_ bad karma for us to keep it especially when all she did nothing to hurt us and she was just hungry. Plus, we all hurt her _pretty_ badly and I healed her as much I could, but we have no way to know she was actually completely healed, so we can check and make sure we didn’t accidentally kill someone who didn’t deserve it, and--”

“Jester,” Beau interrupted, “She tried to _steal_ from us. I’m not saying that she’s evil, but she is a _goblin_ and we have no idea what she’d do if we saw her again. We don’t owe her shit, let alone giving her back a crossbow, a _weapon_ , that you’re right, is magic! Do you have any idea how dangerous _that_ could be? I’m sorry, but I trust it more in my hands than in hers, even if I don’t know what it does, because I have no plans on using it against any of us. We don’t know what she wants, so why would we even think of risking it?”

Jester’s eyes immediately fell to the ground, shoulders hunched over in what Beau assumed to be sadness. Beau felt a pang of guilt hit her and she regretted her harsh words, knowing that even though what Jester was suggesting was unrealistic and foolish, her reaction was more than necessary. Before she got the chance to take back her words, though, Jester began to speak.

“Okay, Beau. You’re… You’re right. I’m gonna go to bed now.” Jester stood up, eyes refusing to meet Beau’s, and before Beau could think of the right thing to say, she was left in silence as Jester entered the tent.

Beau wished the guilt-riddled silence could swallow her whole, regret sitting in a pit in her stomach. There had been no reason to react that harshly, but what had Jester been thinking? Give back a _goblin_ a magical weapon after the said goblin just tried to steal from them? Who would that be helping?

But, as Beau sat there, waiting for her watch to end, she couldn’t get Jester’s sad eyes out of her mind. Jester asked _her_ first, not the entire group, which meant Jester was probably hoping Beau would have had a different reaction.

Her thoughts continued to the end of her shift where she began to doze off and knew it was time to go to bed, even if her mind wanted to disagree.

Caduceus was easy enough to wake, all it took was Beau tucking her head into the tent and the firbolg’s eyes opened, meeting hers.

Beau waited for Caduceus to exit the tent, letting him know that her watch was calm and she didn’t notice anything weird.

“Also, Caduceus,” Beau said as she was about to head into the tent. He replied with a sleeping smile. “When it’s Fjord’s turn to watch, could you let him know that I want to talk to him? Just tell him to wake me up after dawn.”

“Will do, Beau.”

With one last nod, Beau entered the tent and lied down, eyes closing on the sight of a sleeping Jester.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND THERE IT ISSS
> 
> i'm not sure how i feel about the ending, i liked the original i wrote better but it got deleted so looks like we're stuck with this one 
> 
> i hope yall enjoyed <3333 school ends in like a month so here's hoping for a better upload schedule


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